


The Places We’ve Come To Fear The Most

by shadesofpink



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of psychological abuse, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21691279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadesofpink/pseuds/shadesofpink
Summary: Buck Begins
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Maddie Buckley & Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 30
Kudos: 360





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written in a long time, but I was suddenly inspired to write this so it may be a bit rusty.  
> I may do a part 2 depending on feedback/desire for one!  
> Title from the Dashboard Confessional song of the same name.
> 
> Edit/ chapter 2 is now a thing...

It was a Friday when it happened. Opening the mailbox in the lobby of his apartment building to find the usual junk mail, flyers and a few bills, it was the corner of the pink envelope that caught his eye first. Plucking it from amongst the pizza coupons and real estate notices, he tore open the brightly coloured mail stopping in his tracks as he skimmed the gold trimmed card stock - An invitation to his cousins wedding. 

He and Logan had been close growing up, they were three months apart in age and pretty much inseparable for most of their childhood years. They used to do everything from soccer practice in second grade to drinking behind the bleachers in high school with each other in tow. It wasn’t until college that they really lost touch, and it was on Buck, that he knew, and he’d always felt guilty about it. But once he dropped out of college and moved to Los Angeles he had left everything in Pennsylvania behind and not looked back - other than Maddie that was. She had always needed him more than he needed the escape. 

Growing up life had been okay for Buck, he felt stupid for complaining about his upbringing because most kids would have killed for a life like his. Upper middle class, a good school, parents who barely paid him any attention, an awesome older sister who he actually got along with. Buck was smart for the most part, he struggled a little with focus though, Maddie had always helped him with that, always saw his potential, his father on the other hand saw it as laziness. The way he saw it if Buck cared enough he would make more of an effort to pay attention. Buck and Maddie’s mother, Miranda, was a stay at home mom although that wasn’t really the right title for her. She spent more time vacationing and shopping than she ever did at home with her kids. Andrew Buckley was another story. He was always home, running his company out of the home office and always finding ways to belittle his children when he could. He wasn’t abusive in the usual sense of the word. He had rarely hit either of his children, that wasn't his mode of operation, he was more...psychological. Whenever he noticed something he saw he could take advantage of he would. Like the one time Buck left a plate in the kitchen unwashed, he receive a verbal lashing about how disappointing he was and that he was incompetent and unable to take care of basic human essentials like tidying up after himself, he was then made to clean dishes for the next month. Buck couldn’t count how many times his father made him feel less than, made him feel useless, worthless and stupid, like he would never be anything but a failure. It’s why he finds himself overcompensating in his daily life, always trying to be the funniest, or the smartest, or the most confident. 

When Buck had been excited to share that he had received acceptance to an Ivy League school with a full scholarship due to soccer, his fathers response was not only that he wasn’t a good enough player to go pro, but that he wouldn’t be smart enough to pass any of the classes, so he should just go to the local community college instead and work for him after. Buck said no and accepted his scholarship, much to his fathers dismay. It was halfway through Buck’s third season when he went down hard during a game tearing his ACL, he wasn’t asked back to the team the following year. After defying his father to go in the first place he refused to help fund his next semester, which meant there was no way he could afford to stay without the scholarship. That had been the last time he had seen his parents. Maddie had moved out with Doug the summer before Buck moved to college, he sent her a text letting her know what had happened and that he was going to take off for a while. Figure out what he should do next. Maddie was nothing but supportive, she understood his desire to not go crawling home all too well, knew he would be trapped there if he went back, that her father would have Buck pinned under his thumb. She didn’t want that for herself either, which is why when things started to turn with Doug she didn’t reach out for help sooner. 

That summer Buck packed up his dorm, loaded his car and drove across the country to California. It wasn't for another three months until his parents realized what had happened, they had tried to call him a few times, him ignoring their calls, knowing they would only make him question his choices and not wanting to plant those seeds of self doubt. He had found two jobs one at a car wash and a second at a diner pretty quickly after arriving in LA, and made some quick money while sleeping in his car. A couple of weeks in he had saved enough to rent a room in an apartment with three other guys, it wasn’t anything fancy, in fact quite the opposite but it was enough for Buck. It was something that was his, at first anyway. After a few months it started to feel like he was stuck, Buck had no idea what it was he wanted to do anymore, it was always going to be soccer but he didn’t have any clue where to go next, no idea what his next move was. It was when his roommate Josh mentioned he was going to move to Peru to surf for a bit that he thought maybe traveling might be good for him.

Peru was one of the best times of Bucks life, he and Josh split rent on a tiny beach house they shared and spent their days surfing and their nights working at the beach bar. Buck picked up Spanish and bartending pretty quickly...almost as quickly as he and Josh became more than just friends. Buck had never thought of himself as bisexual until it happened, but looking back it had made a lot of sense as he scoured the repressed feelings from his childhood, another thing his homophobic father had made him feel insecure and terrified of. While Peru was a dream, it was also unsustainable, and after one of the most serene summers of his life Buck knew it was time for him to head back to LA and try something new. 

Buck was at the gym when he met Michael, a Navy Seal who somehow convinced him that it was his next path, but when that went south for him Buck found himself spiralling a bit. Back bartending, he found himself drinking too much, sleeping around with anyone who would look his way, and using one too many pick me ups. Anything that would help fill the loneliness he found himself drowning in. House parties, illegal raves, underground clubs, you name it Buck was there. It wasn’t until he was pulled out of a burning building by an LAFD firefighter after ODing on cocaine that Buck realized how much he was fucking his life up. After getting out of the hospital, off of drug charges somehow, and through a long phone call from Maddie about making good life choices and finding a purpose, Buck signed up for the fire academy. 

It had been four years since then, but here Buck was after everything he had endured he was standing here in his nice new apartment an upstanding citizen, a member of the Los Angeles Fire Department, but instantly with one envelope he was transported back to that house in Pennsylvania, those years of self doubt, of self hatred, those years he was made to feel so worthless. He wanted to throw the invitation out, pretend it had never invaded his life like this, he could feign ignorance, pretend it was lost in the mail. But he knew that if he had received one, there was no chance in hell that Maddie hadn’t also received one. In fact the only way he would’ve received it is if Maddie had given Logan his address - which was a whole other issue he’d deal with later. He couldn’t possibly go. He wouldn’t go back there. There is no way that his parents wouldn’t be in attendance and as much as he would love to see his cousins, he knew that the damage it would cause would be worse than any joy it could bring. Buck shoved the invite on the counter as he was interrupted by a knock at his door.

“Oh, Hey Eddie, Christopher, thanks for grabbing the pizzas!” Eddie walked into the kitchen, placing the pizza boxes on the island and placing a light kiss on Bucks cheek as Christopher b-lined to hug Buck, his arms squeezing around the older mans waist

“Hi Buck! Can I watch your TV” Christopher smiled up at him.

“Of course you can bud, you remember how the remote works?” Buck smiled handing him the remote from the shelf as Christopher nodded at him.

“You okay?” Eddie asked as Buck gathered plates from the cupboard for their pizza. “You seemed like you were....off when we got here?”

“Oh, yeah, i just got an invite to a wedding and was trying to work out if i could go, but i cant”

“Who’s getting married?”

“My Cousin Logan, we were like brothers growing up, but we haven’t talked in years, he and Maddie text occasionally so i guess that’s why he sent me the invite”

“When is it? Why cant you go?”

“In the summer, I have a thing that weekend”

“What thing? Are you just avoiding it cause you don't want to go back there?”

“I’m not avoiding anything”

“Sure feels like it”

“Can we drop it? Please?”

“Sorry, yeah we can, but I just think you should think about it more”

“I will”

Buck, Eddie and Christopher settled in for their usual Friday night of video games and movies and it wasn’t long before Christopher was passed out on the couch - worn out from his weeks worth of activities. Eddie carefully picked him up and took him up to Bucks bed as they did most weeks. While Eddie was putting Christopher to bed Buck took a few minutes to check his phone to see Maddie had texted him an hour or so ago asking if he’d received his invite. He responded immediately, yes he had, no he wouldn’t be going. Within seconds Maddie was FaceTiming him, Chim beside her. He answered quickly letting them know Christopher was upstairs sleeping so to be quiet.

“Evan, you can’t not go, it’s Logan”

“I can, and I wont”

“Well you’ll have to explain to him why, because I’m not going to lie for you”

“Thanks Mads, real nice”

“Evan, I know you hate it there, I know you don't want to see Mom and Dad, but don’t you want to show them?”

“Show them what?”

“How great you’re doing?”

“Yeah, I’m doing real great Maddie or have you forgotten how the past year of my life has been?”

“Okay, but that’s not what i meant and you know it. Listen Evan, you have done so many wonderful things for yourself, you have a great job and a great life and I think you deserve to rub that in their faces”

“Dad would still find something to rip me to shreds over though, there’s always going to be something Maddie”

“Maybe, but I think you’ll regret not going. Besides imagine their faces at you, me and Chim walking in there together?”

“Chim, you’re going? Good luck with that”

“Thanks for that vote of confidence Buck, but yes I’m going, can you please come so i don't have to deal with it alone, thanks” Chim said pushing his head into the frame.

“Come to what?” Eddie started as he entered the room, sitting next to Buck on the couch “Oh hey Maddie, Chim”

“Hey Eddie, to our cousins wedding, Buck says he’s not going, but I say he’s going to regret if he doesn’t” Maddie started

“Oh I said that too, he was making excuses not to go”

“I wasn’t making excuses, and Maddie you have Chim to go with, I’m not gonna be a third wheel.”

“Then bring someone with you, you have a +1” Maddie said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world

“Who would I bring, who would want to deal with that?”

“I’d go...” Eddie started realizing what he was saying, as he said it. While he and Buck had been doing this thing together for a few months now since the Tsunami, no one really knew about it yet “...you know for moral support, and i love an open bar”

“Yes!! Eddie come with!” Maddie squealed before Buck shushed her, reminding her Christopher was still asleep upstairs.

“Who would watch Christopher, its in Pennsylvania”

“I’m sure Carla would watch him for the weekend, it wouldn’t be an issue”

“Buck, imagine dads face if you show up with Eddie as your date, he’d lose his damn mind” 

“Yeah that’s exactly why it’s not happening” Buck noticed Maddie typing on her phone and not paying attention “Mads what are you doing”

“Oh oops just RSVP’d for all of us. Eddie this is gonna be a blast!”

“Maddie...No...” Buck was cut off by a blank screen as Maddie hung up.

“You really don’t have to come” Buck turned towards Eddie.

“I said I would, and I meant it” Eddie pulled Bucks legs over his lap slowly cupping his face.

“You’re the best you know that right?” Buck leaned in to place a kiss on Eddies lips, before pulling away slightly, their foreheads touching.

“I try, but Buck, just know I have your back okay, so does Maddie and Chimney”

“I know”

“We all love you, we want what is best for you, and I know you don’t want to go, and if we get there and you cant do it that’s fine, but I feel like you just need to try”

“I know, thank you for pushing me”

“You’re welcome, I just dont want to push too hard, I know how it is, you know that. I just think you’ll feel so much better once you let your parents see how well you’re doing, maybe it could give you some closure”

“I hope so, I just, I don’t want him to scare you away.”

“Babe, nothing your dad could say or do could scare me away” 

“My mom used to say we were so alike you know? And that’s why we always butted heads...And I just....I don’t want to be like him, I don’t want to treat the ones I love the way he does, that’s not me and I don’t want you to go there and see him and think that’s who i’m going to end up being or something”

“Look at me” Eddie said cradling Bucks face “I know exactly who you are Evan Buckley. You are a kind, compassionate, caring, strong, smart, beautiful man, who I love dearly, who loves and cares for my son as if he were his own, who has taken care of me more times than i can count, who loves and protects his team fearlessly. Like I said, nothing is scaring me away from you babe”

Buck leaned forward closing the gap between them, kissing Eddie fiercely.

“I love you. So much, and I want you by my side when I walk into that wedding, holding my hand, as my boyfriend” Buck started to tear up a little as Eddie ran his thumb across his cheek drying his tears “Because of all the things I’ve done, all of the things I want to show off to my parents, you’re the most important one of them all”

“Then it’s settled” Eddie laughed, kissing Buck one more time, slowly and sweetly. “Why don’t we go to bed?”

“Please” Buck laughed “it’s been a long day”

The two of them quietly put away their beer bottles and turned off the lights, making their way upstairs to where Christopher was sleeping in the middle of Bucks bed. They changed quickly before sliding in on either side of the sleeping boy, their arms wrapped around him gently, falling asleep together as they had done so many times now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being a lot longer than expected.  
> I set out to write a chapter about the same length as chapter one and well, here we are.  
> I hope you like it, please give me any feedback!

The plane touched down in Pittsburgh at around 11am eastern time, they had left LAX at around 1am LA time and decided sleeping on the flight was going to be their best option. Maddie and Chimney sat together towards the front of the cabin while Eddie and Buck sat a few rows back. It had been a few months since Buck and Eddie had gone public with their relationship, telling Maddie and Chimney first before letting the rest of their friends and coworkers know. Of course everyone had already known, the two being too close to just be friends, especially after they started showing up for and leaving most shifts together.

Buck had managed to sleep for the majority of the flight, his head snuggled into Eddies shoulder while Eddie listened to a few episodes of the latest podcast he was subscribed to. Eddie didn’t even try to get any real sleep, flying made him anxious, and despite having Buck pressed up against him making him a little bit more relaxed he still couldn’t shake the nervous energy. 

After finding their way off of the plane they made their way to collect their bags, they had checked one each to save the hassle of trying to find overhead space. Eddie stepped aside to check in with Carla and make sure Christopher was doing okay, she told him to leave them alone and stop worrying, they would be fine. Eddie laughed as he spoke to Christopher quickly, he was still mad that he and Buck had gone on “Vacation” without him. Buck had tried to explain that it wasn’t really a fun trip, and that there wouldn’t be much vacationing happening, but somehow Christopher had managed to guilt them into a weekend at Disneyland a few weeks later to make up for it. Eddie would deny it as much as he could, but he was really looking forward to it.

“Christopher Okay?” Buck questioned as he wheeled both of their cases his way, Maddie and Chim following close behind.

“Oh yeah, you know Chris, still mad but not mad enough to not remind me that we promised to bring him a gift back”

“God I love that kid” Buck laughed. “ We do have to remember to get him something though”

“Me too, we can go this afternoon and take a look around”

“Hey, guys I think our Uber is here” Maddie interrupted as they started heading towards the door. 

They flagged down their SUV and loaded the cases into the back before sliding into the vehicle. It was about a half an hour drive from the airport to their hotel a few blocks away from the wedding venue. They checked in and made their way up to their rooms. Eddie and Chimney had discussed and agreed to called the hotel a few weeks before they arrived to upgrade their rooms, knowing how stressful the trip was going to be for both Maddie and Buck they just wanted to make it as nice for them as they could when they had the chance. Buck and Eddie were on the 18th floor and Maddie and Chimney on the 20th. Buck and Eddie said their goodbyes as they exited the escalator, agreeing that they would freshen up and go for lunch in an hour or so. Eddie swiped their key card before holding the door open for Buck to enter the room, following in behind him.

“Eddie....what is this?!” Buck was taken aback at the size of the room, the Pittsburgh river and skyline laid out in from of them through the floor to ceiling windows, a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice on the table.

“Surprise?” Eddie shrugged, “I just thought it would be nice to spoil ourselves for a weekend you know?” Buck turned towards Eddie who was toeing off his shoes in the doorway before meeting Buck in the middle of the room, arms sliding around his waist.

“Well, consider me surprised.” Eddie smiled up at him, pressing his lips gently against Bucks. “How did I get so lucky?”

“Don’t forget it baby” Eddie laughed tapping Buck on the butt before pulling away to start unpacking his case.

“Oh, I could never” Buck admitted, looking on fondly at the man hanging their suits in the hotel room closet. “Do you want to take a quick nap while I shower, I know you didn’t sleep much?”

“No I’m okay, i’m just going to unpack and shower, I’ll be worse if I try to sleep now”

“Okay, well there’s coffee over here if you want me to make you some”

“Thanks babe, I’m fine, go take your shower” 

Buck grabbed his wash bag from his case and made his way into the bathroom, which was the size of his bedroom back in LA, and turned on the shower. He didn’t know if he had ever been so excited to shower, this one had multiple shower heads and mood lighting. If he didn’t think he would fall asleep standing up he could’ve been easily swayed to pull Eddie in with him, but he knew he needed to relax for a bit.

Eddie sat on the bed flipping through the channels on the tv as he heard the shower turn on. It wasn’t long before the lull of the episode of friends on the TV and the noise of the shower sent him to sleep. He shook himself awake grabbing his phone to see how long he had been out for - almost an hour. He had a text from Chim asking if they were almost ready to go for lunch, apparently Buck hadn’t replied to Maddie’s texts. It was then Eddie realized the shower was still running...Buck took long showers but that was too long, even for him. He jumped off of the bed and knocked on the bathroom door but couldn’t hear a response over the water running. He tried the door knowing Buck tended to leave it unlocked when it was just the two of them. He found him curled up on the floor of the shower. Arms wrapped around his knees, shaking slightly, breathing heavily, and Eddie knew he was having a panic attack. He pulled his shirt off before leaning into the shower to turn off the water that was running ice cold, grabbing a towel and wrapping it about Bucks shoulders.

“Hey, hey baby, look at me, can you look at me” Eddie sat in front of him on the floor of the shower.

Buck looked up at Eddie tears in his eyes, the panic he was feeling written all over his face. 

“Okay, its okay, I’m here, Now can you breathe for me, look at me, breathe with me” Eddie started taking deep breaths in and out and Buck started to mirror him “That’s it, slowly in and out and in and out” 

After a few minutes Buck had come down from his panic attack and crumpled into Eddies arms, tears flowing from his eyes. Eddie just held him as he let it all out. He knew this trip was going to be hard for Buck, knew his anxiety had been peaking and that he had started taking his medication again. But he didn’t think it was this bad. They sat there for a few more minutes before Buck sat up looking at Eddie.

“I’m so sorry”  
“Buck, you don’t need to apologize”

“I’m such a mess, I don’t even know why I’m here”

“Because you’re going to prove to your parents that you don't need them, you’ve made something amazing of your life, and you did it all without them”

“I don’t know if I can do it” he whispered, voice trembling.

“I know you can”

“How”

“Because Evan, you can do anything you put your mind to, you’re so strong, you’ve been through so much, and you know how you did that? By yourself, without their help.”

“That’s not the same...”

“How is it not the same? Listen, I know you’re scared of how they are going to react to everything, and I get it. But why do you care? You haven’t had them in your life for the past ten years, don’t let them dictate your feelings now. So what if your dad makes shitty comments, you know they’re bullshit”

“But what if they’re not. What if I am useless? what if I am worthless? Maybe he’s been right all along?”

“You can’t possibly believe that” Buck shrugged as his eyes bore into the shower floor. “I promise you, you are neither of those things.” Buck smiled unconvincingly “If you’re so useless why do you save lives everyday, I don't think any one of the people we help would appreciate you thinking you saving them is useless.”

“I guess”

“No, not you guess. Buck, I need you to look at me, and repeat after me, can you do that?”

“Okay”

“I am not useless”

“I am not useless”

“I am not worthless”

“I am not worthless” Buck starts to tear up again.

“I will not let my father dictate my self worth”

“I will not let my father dictate my self worth” Eddie smiled at Buck as he repeated the statement looking into his eyes.

“Do you believe it?”

“Not completely, but I’m getting there”

“Okay, I’ll take it”

“I guess i should get dressed huh? You must be starving”

“You should, I’m fine, just let me brush my teeth real quick and we can go meet up with your sister, they headed out to get food earlier and I told them we were running behind and that we’d find them later” Buck snorted. “What?”

“You know they probably think we were fucking”

“I mean...probably”

“Sorry it was way less fun than that”

“I don't care about that, I just care that you’re okay”

“You’re here aren’t you? So I’m always gonna be okay”

Eddie leaned in his hand coming up to cup Bucks face, leaning in for a kiss before Buck completely dodged him standing up and exiting the shower.

“Okay....what was that?!” Eddie yelped as he slipped slightly pulling himself up out of the shower.

“You literally just said you needed to brush your teeth” Buck said pointedly “And I’m literally naked so you kissing me would lead to making us even later, so brush your teeth, let me get dressed, then get your ass out here and kiss me”

“You’re insufferable sometimes do you know that?” Eddie put toothpaste on his toothbrush and started brushing.

“Listen, you were just telling me how great I am now I’m insufferable, make up your mind” Eddie let out a groan around a mouth of toothpaste before finishing rinsing and heading back into the bathroom to change, his jeans soaked from the shower floor.

“I’m glad you can joke about it already” Eddie pulled off his jeans, changing into a new pair.

“I know, I was being ridiculous, sorry” Buck pulled out his phone to reply to Maddie’s texts.

“Don’t do that”

“Do what”

“Down play your feelings. You weren’t being ridiculous. Don’t act like it was nothing.” Eddie stopped searching his bag for a T-shirt.

“Sorry”

“Hey, no none of that either!” Buck looked at him from across the room exasperatedly, as Eddie grabbed the shirt he had been looking for and pulled it over his head. “Look, you dont have to pretend you weren’t feeling how you were feeling, and you never ever have to apologize for it. Not to me. Not ever. Okay?” Eddie closed the gap between them, joining Buck near the window. The Pittsburgh river stretched out in front of them.

“Okay”

“Now shut up and kiss me already” Buck laughed closing the space between them and kissing his boyfriend.

“Okay, you got your damn kiss, now can you get me a sandwich?”

“Let’s go”

The two of them texted Maddie and Chimney respectively asking if they were still eating, but they had moved on and somehow Maddie had convinced Chim that she needed to do some last minute shopping for her wedding outfit so they had ended up at the mall. Buck and Eddie decided to head to one of Bucks favourite places in Pittsburgh for a late lunch. They ate quickly and decided to see what they could find to bring home for Christopher. They ended up at a toy store looking at lego and decided on a set that looked like Heinz Field. Christopher wasn’t much into football, but one Sunday while they sat watching the game aimlessly he had declared the Steelers his team because he decided they had the best colours. It was when they were in the checkout line that Buck heard his name being called from behind him, he stepped out of line to look for the voice while Eddie waited to pay.

“Evan?! It is you!” He saw the shorter blonde lady towards the front of the store and instantly recognized her.

“Jenna! Hi!” Buck made his way towards her arms open for a hug as she did the same, embracing him for longer than normally would be acceptable. But it had been ten years, she figured it was okay. 

“Logan said you RSVP’d but I was convinced you wouldn’t show, I can’t believe you’re actually here” She smiled at him, which put him more at ease than he had been, Jenna was Logans big sister who was the same age as Maddie and they once were as close as he and Logan had been, they still remained in contact even if it wasn’t the same as it used to be. Buck wouldn’t have blamed her if she hated him, he had cut off communication with her the same way he had everyone else when he left, but that didn’t seem to be the case from the smile she sent his way.

“I wasn’t going to, but I was persuaded. I don’t know how long I’ll stick around for, but I guess the least I could do is show up”

“He’s going to be so excited to see you, you know that right?”

“I don’t know Jen, it’s been so long. I was surprised I even got an invite”

“He knows why you left Evan, we all do, and none of us blame you for it”

“Thanks, I appreciate that, really I do. I truly have missed you all so much, I just, I cant be around him you know?” Eddie had finished up paying and headed towards Buck

“I know Ev, but I promise if he even starts tomorrow he’s gone. Logan already talked to him.”

“I just don't want him to ruin Logans day” Eddie smiled at Buck as he joined their conversation.

“He wont, we wont let him....Who is this?” Buck chuckled as a blush made its way up his neck.

“This...Is my boyfriend, Eddie” Eddie reached out his hand to Jenna as she shook it.

“Nice to meet you”

“You too Eddie...god I’m so good, I knew it”

“Knew what?”

“That you were gonna bring the hottest date” Eddie blushed as Buck laughed.

“You know me Jen, don’t expect anything less”

“Yeah, How could I forget” Jenna was interrupted by a small child running up to her asking for a pink elephant stuffy. “Oh, this is Marlie! I guess you guys haven’t met.” She picked up the child as Buck waved at her, “This is my cousin Evan, but we all call him Buck!”

“Hi Buck!!” Marlie all but screamed before Jenna reminded her to use her inside voice, Buck was laughing too hard.

“Sorry, she’s a little amped up with everything happening this weekend. I’m buying her something to keep her quiet during the rehearsal dinner tonight - thank god you don't have to go to that - seriously, i don't wanna go once why do I have to do it twice?!”

“Yeah, I don’t envy you”

“what are you guys doing here anyway?”

“Oh, we had to pick up something for Christopher”

“Who’s Christopher”

“Edd-” Buck started before Eddie cut him off.

“Our Son” Bucks heart jumped a beat as he sent a look towards Eddie that was filled with love.

“You guys have a son?!”

“We do, we had to leave him home for the weekend and he wasn’t happy so doing the good parent thing of bribing him with a gift” Eddie said.

“Oh and don’t forget the Disney trip” Buck joked, heart still racing from Eddies declaration as he pulled up a picture of the three of them to show Jenna.

“How could I”

“Oh my god that’s adorable.” Jenna squealed as she fawned over the picture of the three of them. “You’ll have to bring him with you next time, i’d love to meet him”

“We will” Eddie smiled, placing his hand on Bucks lower back, reassuring him that they wouldn’t come back if he didn’t want to.

“Well I should be going, but it was so good to see you Evan, and to meet you Eddie. I’m so glad you decided to come, we are going to have a great time tomorrow”

“Thanks Jenna, I’ll see you tomorrow” Buck and Jenna exchanged a hug before Eddie and Buck left the store while Jenna joined the cash line waving as they went. 

Buck and Eddie spent the rest of the afternoon walking through the city before heading back to dinner with Maddie and Chimney. They had all agreed on an early night, because they were exhausted from their flight and had a big day the next day. It was only after they had been laying in bed wrapped up in each other watching some movie on TV for over an hour when Buck broke the silence.

“Did you mean what you said earlier”

“Which part?” Eddie sat up his back against the headboard, Bucks head resting on his chest

“When you called Christopher our kid”

“He is our kid Buck” Eddie ran his fingers through Bucks hair softly.

“No, Eddie, he’s your kid”

“He calls you papa, Evan”

“I know, and I adore that he does”

“You make him breakfast, and drive him to school, and take him to doctors appointments, and go to parent teacher conferences, and read him bed time stories sounds pretty parental to me”

“Hmm” Buck hummed against Eddies chest “I know that, but that still doesn’t make me his parent Eddie”

“Do...you not want to be?” Buck sat up at Eddies question, turning to look at Eddie.

“No, no Eddie that’s not it. I just, You’re his dad, you’ve done so much for him, so much that I cant even imagine, and I guess, I just don’t think I deserve that much credit”

“Evan, you think you haven’t done just as much for him? You love that boy more than even his mother did at times. You would move mountains for him. You saved his life. You’re his whole world okay?”

“I know. I guess what your saying makes sense”

“Listen I don't want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into more responsibility than you want”

“You’re not, I want that Eddie, more than anything. I just need to know that its okay, that you want that too”

“It’s all I want.” Eddie placed his hand on the nape of his neck, pressing his forehead to Bucks

“Then its all I want”

“You’re part of this family Buck, I know you don’t love that word, but I’m hoping we can help redefine it for you”

“You already have”

Eddie closed the gap between them gently kissing the man in front of him before Buck deepened the kiss. They made out lazily, hands roaming each other’s bodies, before Buck pulled away.

“I’m so glad you’re here”

“There’s no where else in the world I’d rather be”

“I love you”

“Love you more”

Buck placed a light kiss on Eddies lips before settling his head onto his chest, Eddies hands finding themselves playing with Bucks hair. And that’s how they fell asleep. Tangled up together, grateful and in love.

The next morning they were awoken at 8am by their alarms before quickly shutting them off. Buck jumped out of bed, heading for the bathroom as Eddie groaned and rolled over shutting his eyes for just one more minute. Their mornings often went like this, Buck the morning person waking up first, only to pry Eddie out of his bed a little later once he had come around to the idea of getting up. Buck set the coffee maker up to run and quickly jumped in the shower, trying not to rehash the events of the previous day. He dried himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist, brushing his teeth quickly and heading back into the room. He poured two cups of coffee, one with creamer and sugar for Eddie, and one black for himself. Placing his own cup on his bedside table he made his way to Eddies side of the bed and placed his on his side. He sat on the edge of the bed, running his thumb over Eddies cheek before leaning down to kiss him softly.

“Time to wake up babe” Buck started combing his fingers through Eddies hair, “we have to get ready and meet Maddie and Chim in like 45 minutes for breakfast”

Eddie groaned again and tried to roll over but Buck pulled back the covers. Eddie rubbed at his eyes, slowly sitting up and taking the coffee Buck was pushing in his direction, sipping it slowly. 

“Morning sleepyhead” Buck stood up, satisfied that Eddie wouldn’t go back to sleep and started rifling through his case looking for clean underwear. He heard Eddie put his cup down on the counter but wasn’t expecting to feel him wrap his arms around him from behind, placing a kiss to the nape of his neck.

“Morning Babe” Eddie mumbled, lazily placing kisses down bucks neck and onto his shoulder before pulling away “You smell good” Buck laughed as Eddie sleepily nuzzled back into his neck.

“Mmm, the hotel has some really great soap in the shower, you might want to take advantage”

“Are you...did you just politely tell me that I need to shower?”

“I think I did”

“Alright, I’m going” Eddie pressed one last kiss into Bucks neck before heading into the bathroom and getting himself ready for the day. 

Eddie had taken his suit into the bathroom to get dressed while Buck got ready in the room, they had picked out co-ordinating suits, Bucks was navy with a light grey shirt and Dark grey pocket square and tie, while Eddies was Grey with a light blue shirt, and a navy pocket square and tie. Eddie walked out of the bathroom to find Buck struggling with his tie, something he often did when he needed to wear one. Eddie, with his military background had it down to a science though. He made his way over to where Buck was getting frustrated while trying to fix it in the full length mirror, reaching up to still his hands. He turned Buck towards him and unknotted the tie before placing it around Bucks neck, his fingers brushing softly against his skin. Eddie made quick work of it before smoothing his hand down the front of it and stepping back to take a full look at Buck.

“Dios Mio”

“What...”

“You’re like, totally hot” Buck blushed and turned away shyly.

“Stop it, look at you, you’re totally the hot one in this relationship babe” Eddie closed the gap between them, as Buck lent in to kiss him.

“You, are so damn mistaken” Eddie kissed back, harder than the first time. He could see that Buck was still nervous, he was trying to cover it up, not have a repeat of yesterday, Eddie could tell. He had seen the signs from the moment he woke up, his instant need to busy himself, his hands never quite steady, that not quite content look in his eye. But he wouldn’t say anything, he knew that would just make things worse, so he was just going to do what he knew how to do best, be there for Buck. 

“You ready to head out?” Eddie asked wearily.

“Not at all, but lets go”

They made their way to the hotel lobby where they met up with Maddie and Chimney who had found them a table in the restaurant for breakfast. They ordered their food and Coffees and ate quickly, careful not to spill on themselves. They settled their bills and by 10:30 they started making their way towards the Church. The ceremony was to start at 11:15, but they didn’t want to be too early, they figured the later they arrived the easier it would be for them to sneak in and find a spot in the back. They found themselves heading up the stairs of the church at just before 11, it seemed as though most of the guests had already arrived and were making their way to a pew. Buck froze as they reached the entrance to the church, mild panic setting in. He was surprised they had yet to run into anyone they knew enough to be recognized by, but he knew that wouldn’t hold up for long, his parents could be right on the other side of the door for all he knew.

He stepped aside to let the people behind him through the door and took a deep breath, Maddie looked at him with a sympathetic glint in her eye before asking if he was okay.

“I think, I just need a second Maddie, you guys go ahead, I’ll be right in”

“Are you sure?” 

“I got him, you guys go save us a seat?” Eddie suggested as Maddie and Chim agreed to meet them inside. He turned back to Buck, he seemed okay, just like he was mentally preparing himself, Eddie took a step towards him and Buck opened his arms, as if to acknowledge that he needed to be held, just for a second. Eddie closing his arms around him and slowly rubbing his back. “It’s okay Evan, clear your head, take a few deep breaths”

Buck pulled back slightly to look into Eddies eyes “I think I’m ready, I just, don’t leave me alone in there?” He said quietly, almost a whisper, eyes begging for Eddie to agree.

“If you think I’m letting you out of my sight at all today, in that suit? You gotta be kidding” Eddie laughed, taking Bucks hand in his “But seriously babe, I’ve got you, no matter what okay?”

“I love you”

Eddie lent forward to place a short quick kiss on Bucks lips before squeezing his hand in response.

“Let’s go”

They walked into the church hand in hand, Bucks palms sweating as Eddie ran his thumb up and down his hand comforting him. They spotted Maddie and Chim about three quarters of the way from the front and slid into the pew beside them. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Eddie was pulled from his quiet conversation with Chim by Buck gripping his hand, his whole body tensing, eyes trained on the door. Eddie followed his line of vision to an older couple who couldn’t be mistaken for anyone other than Miranda and Andrew Buckley. Eddie squeezed his hand back, whispering in his ear.

“I’m here, I’ve got you, Breathe babe”

He felt Buck exhale as the tension left his body, his eyes turning away from the door and to look at Eddie. Maddie was on his other side and he felt her hand gripping his arm, she seemed okay, but he couldn’t be sure. She always handled him better than Buck ever could. But he felt okay, just for a second before he felt eyes on him from the end of the pew, he didn’t want to look up, but he did, somehow he did. His soft blue eyes met with piercing cold ones he knew to be his fathers. His mother not even glancing their way.

“Evan. How nice of you to show your face after all this time” he said, sarcasm dripping from every word “And Maddie, this isn’t Doug?” He smirked pointing at Chimney. “Where’s Doug? I sure as hell love that guy” he winked at her before an usher came to move him through the aisle so that the proceedings could start. “We’ll just have to catch up later” he said as he made his way forward towards where Buck could see his aunt and uncle sitting. 

Buck let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding, Eddies hand finding its way to his back rubbing circles into it as Buck steadied himself, he grabbed Maddie’s hand, checking she was okay. She looked more pissed than anything, apologizing to Chim who shrugged it off. He, like Eddie, knew what he was signing up for this weekend. 

The ceremony was over pretty quickly all things considered and having Eddie there next to him really helped Buck not get in his head too much. Especially when Eddie placed his hand a little too high on Bucks thigh and Buck had to remind him with a harsh whisper that “We are in Gods house, Edmundo” to which he received a snarky “Well pretty sure God already thinks we’re sinners, may as well give him a show” before the older lady in the pew ahead turned around to shush him and sent him a pointed glare. Buck had to fight back laughter, an emotion he didn’t think he’d find time to feel today. But that was what Eddie did to him, always. Surprised him. So that’s why when Eddie leant over to whisper in his ear during the “I Do’s” he wasn’t expecting the words that came out of his mouth.

“What do you say we do this sometime”

“What...go to church?...”

“No....get married....”

“Eddie are you...”

“Maybe...”

Eddie smirked at him, reaching into his Jacket and subtly pulling out the ring he had stashed in their earlier in the morning and elbowing him slightly making him look down to where Eddie held his palm open. Bucks head shot up as he looked at Eddie, questioning his seriousness but seeing nothing but sincerity in his face, he felt his eyes welling up before he nodded slowly.

“Yeah, can we, lets do that, please” he whispered back as Eddie picked up his hand and slid the band onto his finger. It was black with a silver ring around the middle, and had an inscription on the inside that read “Our Buck”. Bucks heart was pounding as he gripped Eddies hand trying to convey all of the emotions he was feeling through a look. He saw Maddie glancing at them through the corner of his eye, probably hoping he was holding up okay, but little did she know.

When the ceremony was over Buck dragged Eddie out of the church and into the attached hallway before pushing him into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him, flipping the lock before making sure they were alone and pushing Eddie up against the closed door, his mouth on his instantly. Kissing him with a passion he hadn’t known had built up inside him. He only pulled away when he needed to breath.

“I cant believe you just did that” he said, breathlessly. “God I’m so fucking in love with you”

“I don’t know if he can hear you in here Buck, is this still considered the church?” Eddie smirked before Buck rolled his eyes and stole another kiss

“Shut the fuck up and kiss me, I can still change my mind you know”

They made out for what seemed like forever but was probably only around five minutes before they heard a knock at the door. They broke apart laughing, realizing just what they were doing. They leaned their heads together, stealing a final kiss before Buck unlocked the door and they ran out, luckily no one spotting them except the one guy trying to use the bathroom. 

They found Maddie and Chim outside talking to one of their Aunt’s, Kathy, and Buck made his way over slowly, trying not to interrupt but failing as Kathy spotted him approaching.

“Is that you Evan!?!” She all but screamed as he smiled and accepted the hug she opened her arms for. “You’re so...? Big? Tall? Handsome? Happy???”

Buck laughed, “Yeah, I really am...” Maddie glared at him, like really Buck? “Happy, I am happy is what I meant” He squeezed Eddies hand a little bit tighter as if to say, Happier because of you.

“And Who is your even more handsome date?!” 

“This is...my Fiancé, Eddie” Maddie gasped as Kathy turned to look at her.

“SINCE WHEN” Maddie squealed.

“Like....ten minutes ago” Eddie blushed as he got a pointed glare from Maddie before she pulled them into a hug. As she let go Chim did the same.

“I’m so happy for you guys, I was wondering when you were going to do it bud” he directed at Eddie.

“Well I’m going to let you guys celebrate, I’ll see you at the party tonight?” Kathy said, excusing herself to go mingle with other family members hugging them all as she left.

“What did you mean, you were wondering when?” Buck asked Chimney.

“Well...”

“I kind of told Maddie and Chimney i was planning on asking you, I just, didn’t really have a solid plan set. But it just felt right.”

“During someone else’s wedding though Eddie really? I could’ve told you not to do that” Maddie shook her head.

“Stop it was perfect” Buck said, his smile spanning from ear to ear, eyes lit up like a summer sky. Maddie shoved him, letting him know she was only kidding and hugged her brother tight.

“You know I thought this was going to be the worst day ever, but its actually been pretty damn great” Maddie started. Even with you know who around. 

“Don’t Jinx it Maddie, there’s still so much day left” Buck said half joking and half stone faced.

The reception went by slowly but uneventfully. Logan had put them on the opposite side of the ballroom to his parents so they were pretty easy to avoid most of the night. They spent most of the night at their table together eating and drinking. The food was exquisite and there was obviously no expense spared. Eddie and Buck spent the night stealing glances and kisses here and there, towards the end of the evening Eddie somehow convinced Buck to dance with him, after scanning the room and not seeing either of his parents Buck figured why not, what was the worst that could happen? So he slow danced with the love of his life in a ballroom way fancier than he’d ever been in before and probably would ever be in again.

“You doing okay” Eddie asked as they danced.

“Honestly” Buck started, taking a deep breath, “I don't think this day could have gone any better? I woke up filled with dread you know? And I tried to hide it but I know you could tell, I wasn’t really okay, but you got me through it, you always get me through everything. I suppose I’m just feeling like the luckiest guy in the world right now.” He smiled at Eddie as they held each other.

“No, that’s me. I may have helped you get through today, but Buck, the past two years, I don’t know if I would be here today if you hadn’t have been there, everyday, every single day you help me get through it all, when its all too much you always pick up the pieces without me having to say anything. Before we were even anything. It’s why I know that you’re it for me, you’re the one who always shows up for me, for Christopher, and we don’t deserve you, but my god we never want to have to live without you.”

“Good thing you’re never going to then” Buck joked, though his voice cracking giving away his resolve. 

“What do you say we get out of here?”

“I say that sounds like a dream”

They made their way back to the table hand in hand, letting Maddie and Chim know that they had ordered an Uber if they wanted to come back with them, but they had decided to stay a little longer, Maddie was having a good time talking to some of her cousins so Buck felt okay leaving her, knowing Chimney would take good care of her.

They headed towards the door walking outside to wait for their car. And that’s when it happened. Buck knew it would be too good to be true. There was his father, alone, smoking a cigar, clearly drunk. He stumbled towards Buck and Eddie. He dropped Eddies hand as his dad turned to face him, a smirk on his face.

“Well well, look who it is. My dearest son. What, you’re not gonna come over here and give your old man a hug Evan?” His speech was slurred, aggression in his tone. Buck felt Eddie tense beside him, but Buck had never felt calmer if he was being honest. He had found a lot of clarity this weekend. He was loved, He had a great life. A family. A son. He didn’t need to humour this asshole. He didn’t need him. Or his approval. 

“No, don't think I will thanks”

“Excuse me? What, you think you’re too fucking good to give your fucking father a hug?” Buck winced at his tone but didn’t cave. “You’d be nothing without me Evan, nothing. You remember that.” Eddie went to open his mouth but Bucks hand on his arm stopped him.

“Well, you can believe that if you want, but I know different.”

“Oh they got your head filled with fairytales out there in la la land huh? What you think you’re a big shot out there in LA?” 

“Nope, never wanted to be a big shot, that was all you” Buck said, bored of this line of questioning, glancing at his phone seeing how far away their Uber was.

“What do you do anyway? No, no, Let me guess...no I got nothing. There’s nothing you’d be good at”

“I mean he’s one of the best firefighters in the LAFD, but go off I guess” Eddie started, unable to stand by and not defend his boy.

“And who the fuck are you? My sons latest conquest? How much did he have to pay you to come here? He likes to get around that one, so you might wanna get yourself tested.”

“Firstly not that its any of your god damn business..” Buck started

“None of my business? You’re walking around dirtying my last name kid, like hell its none of my business”

“Well, I wont be for much longer” Buck started

“What you changing your name finally? Thought you would’ve done that years ago since you hated me so much”

“Getting married”

“See bud, I told you” his dad pointed between him and Eddie “He’s getting married, sorry you had to find out like this”

“Yeah, he’s getting married” Eddie started taking a step forward brushing Bucks hand on his arm away as he went. “He’s getting married to me”

His dad looked back and forth between them for a second, like it was some sick joke. 

“I told your mother. I told her” his rage was boiling over and Buck took a step forward putting himself between his father and Eddie “I told her you were fucked up, she never believed me, thought it was just a phase but no, I knew it all along, i knew you’d embarrass us like this, you god damn -” Eddie swung before he could even think about it, knocking Andrew to the ground, Maddie and Chim had just been walking out to find their own Uber as it happened and ran over, Maddie grabbing Buck holding him close to her, and Chimney pulling Eddie away from Andrew. They shuffled them into their Uber instructing the driver to get out of there asap. 

When they arrived back at the hotel Maddie and Chim left Buck and Eddie at their floor, telling them to call if they needed anything. Buck had filled Maddie and Chimney in on the car ride back to the hotel, Eddie had sat there in silence, blood rushing through his veins, anger pulsating through him. Knuckles bloody and bruising.

Buck grabbed his good hand squeezing it tight, but with no response as he pulled him out of the elevator and into their room. He sat him on the end of the bed before grabbing the ice bucket and heading down the hall to fill it. It wasn’t until he came back into the room he noticed the case of beer, pizza and video game console that had been set up in the room. Eddie must have had someone do it while they were out, but he wasn’t even in the same room as Buck right now mentally. Buck grabbed a towel from the bathroom laying some ice in it and wrapping it around Eddies knuckles, the cold seemingly breaking him from his trance, as a tear fell down his cheek. Buck reached up to thumb it away slowly. Eddie moving to look at him finally.

“Hey, talk to me” Buck started

“I...I’m so sorry...” Eddie started “I cant...I don’t... I just couldn’t listen to him talking to you like that any more”

“Oh Babe, why are you apologizing, You don’t need to apologize for that. It’s okay”

“But it’s your dad Evan”

“Eddie, that man has never been and will never be my dad, it’s just taken me this long to realize it”

“He’s a piece of work”

“I know” Buck let out a slight laugh

“What, what is funny about this?” Eddie looked at him like there was something he wasn’t getting.

“Nothing, I just, I really thought this would’ve been going down the other way around tonight”

“Sorry, I know I was supposed to be taking care of you today, and now you’re here icing my hand”

“Wait, you think you weren’t taking care of me?” Buck laughed again, Eddie still not amused “you punched out my asshole father for being a homophobic piece of shit and you don’t call that taking care of me? Oh and not to mention, there’s a whole pizza party game night set up in our hotel room if you haven’t noticed and if that wasn’t your doing I might have to call security” Eddie finally took a look around the room, smiling at last.

“Yeah I guess, that was me, Kinda forgot i had done that. I wanted to make sure you had something to cheer you up if the day didn’t go well, and well I guess it worked?” Buck sat up from his knees kissing Eddie softly.

“This day couldn’t have been more perfect, I mean minus the bruised knuckles on your part, this was just the icing on the cake you know? One last amazing thing before it was over.”

“Wanna play?” Eddie leaned in for another kiss before grabbing the controller behind Buck,

“I don’t know hows your hand, you think you can manage? I don’t wanna go to hard on you if you’re injured...oh wait what’s that you went to fight club for weeks and still managed to beat me just fine I think you got this”

“Oh my god you’re never gonna let that go are you?” Buck stood up heading towards the counter to grab them beers.

“Nope, think i might mention it in our vows if I’m being honest”

Eddie took that opportunity to grab a pillow from behind him and toss it at Bucks head. Buck grabbed the pillow and made his way back towards Eddie from where he was setting up the game, grabbed his controller from his hand and threw it down on the counter before throwing the pillow back behind Eddie and straddling his legs and whispering in his ear.

“Oh you wanna go huh?” Buck smirked

“With you?” Eddies hands found their way to his ass before Buck pushed him back on the bed loosening his tie and pulling it over his head before slowly unbuttoning his shirt and kissing a line down his chest fingertips tracing his hips as he kissed back up again to meet his lips. “Anywhere. Always.”


End file.
